The Importance of Social Acceptance

Social success cannot be underestimated in any consideration of the college community. The individual's first concern seems to be the opinion others have of him. This opinion is demonstrated by acceptance or rejection by the group. The following examples illustrate clearly the importance of social approval in the personal development of individuals and their relations with other people.

B99, an attractive, well-mannered sophomore, consulted the psychiatrist after fraternity elections in the fall of his second year at Yale. He complained of hand tremors and moodiness, and he considered leaving college. It soon became obvious that the boy's disappointment in Yale derived from the fact that he had not received a fraternity bid, and he was somewhat bewildered by his exclusion. True, he had not distinguished himself in any activity, but he had money, he came from a good family, and he was proud to be at Yale. Did not this automatically entitle him to recognition by the social arbiters? If this student had had entree to a clique through preparatory school connections, or if he had had some special ability--athletic or executive--he would undoubtedly have been elected to a fraternity. He was not in any way different from many who had been elected. As it was, he came from the west and had not had enough time at his eastern preparatory school to establish himself with a group.
In addition to his social problem the patient was troubled by masturbation which he had practiced for some time. His unhappiness and insecurity increased the frequency of the habit and made it difficult for him to interrupt it though he wanted very much to do so. He was in love with a girl whom he hoped to marry.

The psychiatrist decided to take active measures to help this boy socially in addition to treating the sexual problem. Aid was offered by one of the leaders among the undergraduates who undertook to get the boy into a prominent fraternity. It was made clear that though the patient could not bring the club prestige through his achievement, he could bring an attractive personality and loyalty and devotion to the group and to the college.

Once this patient was accepted by a fraternity he literally blossomed. He fitted into the group and became active in it and he went out for several athletic activities. In a short time his masturbation ceased altogether.

The relief and the feeling of security that social acceptance brings are tremendous, and for many students it is of decisive importance in their college development. The fear of being rejected is so potent that students often band together to protect themselves from the change which would inevitably occur if some and not all members of a clique joined fraternities.

B100 was seen by the psychiatrist at the request of the health department early in his sophomore year. The patient was troubled by dizzy spells and seemed upset. The cause of his distress was quickly determined. He had made a pact with a friend regarding fraternity elections. If both got bids to a good fraternity, they would accept, but if only one was lucky, he would refuse. The patient's friend received a bid and accepted it. The patient was left out and resented the fact that his friend broke their "pact," leaving him alone to face the conclusion that he had not made good and must find other friends.

The students who consulted the division of student mental hygiene because they were disturbed about aspects of their social adjustment were, of course, students who had failed on the whole to secure the kind of approval and acceptance they wanted at Yale. The disappointment of their ambitions occurred for many reasons. Often the ambition was not appropriate for the boy, given his personality, experience, and capacity for social adaptation. Often, too, the disappointment came from a failure to understand the society or from a tendency to accept its standards uncritically. In many cases the disturbance in the social side of a student's life was associated with other disturbances, perhaps more fundamental, in the growth of his personality and in his evaluation of himself as an individual. In most of the cases, the process of learning how to achieve a harmonious membership in the group or to reconcile oneself to not achieving it required the study and utilization of all a student's emotional resources.

There were differences among the cases which corresponded to differences in experience. The problems of freshmen, that is, differed somewhat from those of members of the middle classes and from seniors. A large number of the freshmen treated were concerned with inability to get started toward a satisfactory social adjustment in the college and a large number of the seniors were disturbed by the prospect of transition away from the security of the college environment into an unknown world outside. Generally speaking, it may be said that students who were unable to achieve a place within the college were more seriously disturbed if they faced the issue after freshman year for then such failure often carried with it a connotation of hopelessness that led the student to contemplate withdrawal from college. Thus, the most significant difference between social maladjustment among freshmen and among middleclassmen seemed to be the individual's attitude toward his position at Yale. Freshmen have usually an undifferentiated feeling of shyness, loneliness, or unhappiness. Many of them do not quite understand the organization or standards of the college society. Usually they are either oppressed by the size and strangeness of the university or accept what they do see enthusiastically and uncritically. On the whole, however, the freshmen were looking forward hopefully to adjustment, but the middleclassmen often regarded themselves as social failures and seemed eager to get away from the scene of failure.